


Endings and Beginnings

by SandstoneSunspear



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Director Sanvers Warmth, F/F, jewish!Alex Danvers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-01
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-11 10:21:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,870
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28469715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SandstoneSunspear/pseuds/SandstoneSunspear
Summary: 2020 is over.2021 is here.It’s not a cure-all, not even close. But it’s a start and Alex-Alex will take it.-Or, that angsty New Years fic no one wanted.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Lucy Lane/Maggie Sawyer
Comments: 15
Kudos: 58





	Endings and Beginnings

**Author's Note:**

> This ties into Chapter 3 of my Supergirl Pride Week Prompt Fills - Cloudy Days and Sunshine Kisses. I don't think you have to read that one for this to make sense, but if you want to, go ahead.
> 
> TW: pandemic related things and mentions of a person dying. The person who dies isn't part of the triad, though.

It’s not really the end.

The pandemic is still raging. The ICU still doesn’t have enough beds for all the patients that are being brought in. But for Alex, it feels like a step in the right direction. 

“You ready, Dr. Danvers?” 

“I was fucking born ready, Collins.” Alex rolls up her sleeve. “Shoot me.”

There’s laughter from both the press and the gathered medical staff. It makes Alex smile behind her mask and forget about the quick, barely there pinch as Collins jabs the needle into her arm. The sound of laughter is so rare these days, especially from her fellow doctors and nurses.

“Alright, we’re done,” Collins says.

“That was quick, barely felt a thing,” Alex muses.

Collins preens. “I’m good at what I do,” she says.

Alex makes a mental note to pass her file along to Pam. She’s seen the nurse throw central lines and IVs with an ease that has Alex in awe every time she sees it done. Skills like that are needed at the DEO - or will be, once the pandemic is over.

(She ignores the voice in her head that whispers that the pandemic will never end).

“Dr. Danvers,” a member of the press starts, “what are your plans for the rest of the day? You have anything special planned for New Years?”

“I’m gonna go to Disneyland,” she replies dryly.

“Wait, really?”

Alex gives the man a look of exasperation. She wishes more news outlets were like CatCo and held their journalists to higher standards.

“We’re in the middle of a goddamn pandemic.” Despite the levity and joy in the air, Alex can’t keep the snarl out of her voice. She’s seen the news reports. She knows that people have stopped caring, that people want to taste of normalcy regardless of the consequences. “The only thing I have planned is a FaceTime call with my wife, who I haven’t seen in person in  _ months _ because I’ve already had to treat a close friend of ours and I can’t do that again.”

The word  _ friend _ tastes like ash in Alex’s mouth. Lucy is so much more than a friend. Describing her as just a close friend feels like such a disservice, but Lucy’s lost so much to this pandemic. Alex won’t let Lucy lose what little privacy she has left.

Out of the corner of her eye, Alex sees the hospital CEO cringe at her language and her tone. She can’t bring herself to care though. She passed the point of giving a shit about his opinion and that of his administrators months ago after she had to go behind their backs and call J’onn to beg for basic supplies for her team.

An awkward silence descends. For a brief moment, the only noise in the lobby is the sound of camera shutters clicking rapidly. To Alex’s satisfaction, the journalist who originally asked the question now looks abashed even with a mask on. She doesn’t get to enjoy it for long because the next second, she feels her phone buzz.

She pulls it out. It takes everything she has to keep her shoulders from slumping at the sight of the text.

“Shit, my patient’s coding.”

She glances up to see Collins stepping aside. The rest of their colleagues are clearing the way so that she has the space to get to the stairs unimpeded. It’s a small gesture, one that makes Alex swallow a lump in her throat. There’s a good chance that her patient is going to die because that’s all her patients seem to do these days - die. But that doesn’t mean that Alex won’t try to save him. She will. She always does.

It’s why Alex nods to Collins in thanks, mumbles out a quick apology to the press, and runs. 

-

Hector Martinez dies.

His death was always going to happen; a Hispanic man in his late 50s with high blood pressure and a history of smoking, the odds were stacked against him from the beginning. 

It doesn’t make announcing his time of death any easier. It doesn’t stop the sting of grief that hits Alex as she watches Amanda drape a sheet over his rapidly cooling body. If anything, it makes it worse. 

She steps out of his room, chart in hand, and leans against the nurse’s station. She’s so goddamn tired.

“Jerry, let Alma know that Hector Martinez passed at 11:53AM.” She squints at the chart. “Amanda’s going to call his wife, so before she does, let Amanda know that he did indeed receive his last rites before he died. I know that his wife was worried that he wouldn’t be able to get them because of COVID protocols.”

“Yes, Dr. Danvers.” Jerry tilts his head. “How was the vaccination? Heard from my sister at Central that it hurts like a bitch.”

Alex shrugged. “Not more than any other shot I’ve received. Collins did it, so that probably helped.”

“Did you really chew out a journalist right after getting it?”

Alex bites back a groan. Of course that news has already made it up to her floor. 

“I didn’t chew him out. He asked a stupid question and I didn’t really have the patience for it,” she defends. 

“So you’re not going to Disneyland?”

Alex rolls her eyes. “Fuck off.”

Jerry makes an offended sound. The way his eyes crinkle behind his face shield tell Alex that he’s not really hurt by her words.

She sighs. “I’m gonna go finish off these charts. Page me when someone else codes.”

When, not if. 

Alex hates that it’s a  _ when  _ and not an  _ if.  _ She hates how much this disease has turned things that are usually abstract possibilities - like death - into grim realities for her patients. 

“Yes, Dr. Danvers.”

Alex glances back at Hector’s room. His body is already gone. In a short time, the room will be spotless and ready for the next patient. Hector’s end is the beginning stage of someone else’s fight.

She looks away and flicks the chart shut. 

-

It’s almost midnight by the time Alex gets back to the DEO safe house-turned apartment.

_ “You look like shit, Danvers,” _ is the first thing that Maggie says when Alex finally FaceTimes.  _ “Lucy looks better than you do.” _

Despite her exhaustion, Alex can still feel her lips twitch into a smile. “That’s not that hard, Mags.”

Next to Maggie, Lucy flicks her hair over her shoulder and pretends to preen. It’s a sight that Alex will never get tired of, especially not after Lucy’s bout with COVID. The lawyer is still thin, her cheeks a little gaunt, and she still looks as tired as Alex feels. Her skin is brighter than before though, and she seems to glow whilst sitting next to Maggie.

Alex feels a twinge in her chest as she takes her lovers in. God, she wished she was there with them right now.

_ “We saw you on the news today,”  _ Lucy says.

“Oh yeah?” Alex raises an eyebrow. “Did I look better then than I do now?” 

_ “You looked especially hot whilst you were ripping into that journalist.”  _ There’s a gleam in Lucy’s eyes and a grin on her lips that Maggie shares.

It makes Alex groan, “I didn’t rip into him!”

_ “No, you just told him he was an idiot without actually having to say the words,”  _ Maggie says.

_ “It was pretty impressive. You should think about politics when the pandemic ends,”  _ Lucy adds.

Alex narrows her eyes. “Bite your tongue, woman!”

_ “The DEO does need someone to take my place on the Hill.” _

Lucy says it so easily, like it doesn’t bother it. It probably doesn’t, Alex realises. It doesn’t bother Lucy because she’s always been better at compartmentalising things than Alex is. Lucy’s had months at home to process that her career as she knows it is over. Alex hasn’t. It’s why she flinches even though Lucy’s still smiling. It’s why she feels her heart lurch and her stomach drop. She hasn’t had a chance to think of anything beyond the pandemic, isn’t sure if she even knows  _ how _ to think of anything beyond the pandemic.

Alex does her best to cover her reaction with a cough. “Yeah, well after my performance today, I don’t think J’onn’ll be too keen on sending me to DC,” she says.

_ “I’ll be sitting in the wings with popcorn and watching you call Senators and Congressmen idiots. I’ll facetime Maggie and we can cheer you on,”  _ Lucy jokes.

_ “Oooh, we could do a Twitch stream! Maybe collaborate with AOC,”  _ Maggie muses.

“Maggie, babe,” Alex pleads, “don’t encourage her!”

_ “Alex, I’m riding a desk for the rest of my career at the DEO, I have to get my kicks in somehow!” _

Alex does a slightly better job at hiding this flinch at Lucy’s reminder. Yes, she supposes, that’s true. Lucy may not be the same adrenaline junkie that she or Maggie are, but she hates paperwork just as much as the two of them and thrives away from a desk. Alex knows that Lucy loves being in the field, loves being arm and arm with her people, loves physically making a difference in the world.

“We don’t even know if I’m coming back to the DEO, Luce.”

Both Maggie and Lucy’s brows furrow.

_ “What do you mean?”  _ Lucy questions. _ “You’re on contract. Once the pandemic ends, you’ll be back with the DEO.” _

“ _ If _ ,” Alex stresses. “If it ends.”

_ “Alex-”  _ Maggie tries, but Alex shakes her head.

“No, Mags, it’s still an if. I know people are pushing for a when, but right now, there’s no when. Not for me. Not for any of us on the frontlines.” Alex takes breath. “And if it does end? There’s still going to be so much work for us to do and-”

_ “And it doesn’t need to be you.”  _ Lucy’s voice is sharper than Alex has heard in ages. For a moment, it reminds her of how things were before the pandemic began.  _ “Alex, hon, you have a right to a break. God knows that you’ve earned it.” _

“I don’t-” 

Know how. 

She doesn’t know how because she can’t think beyond the pandemic. She can’t think beyond the pandemic because time is fake and this year has lasted what feels like several lifetimes. She’s worked 80 hour weeks since February, treated Lucy for COVID, and watched countless patients die since then. 

_ “You start with a step, Ally.”  _ Maggie’s voice is gentle.  _ “You got the first dose of the vaccine today, right?” _

Alex nods. “Yeah. Second one’s in 21 days.”

_ “That’s the first step. We all know it’s not a cure, but once it’s rolled out across the country, it’ll be the beginning of the end,”  _ Maggie says.

“And the step after that?” Alex asks.

_ “Easy, you come home and sleep and leave your medical journals all over the place,”  _ Lucy says.

Alex scoffs, “I don’t leave them all over the place.”

_ “Yes, you do.” “I found one in the pantry a few months back.” _

Alex huffs without any real heat. Trust the women she loves to know just what to say to pull her back from a spiral.

_ “So,”  _ Lucy drawls,  _ “you have any plans for New Years? Disneyland, perhaps?” _

Next to her, Alex sees Maggie choking back a laugh.

Alex rolls her eyes. “Last night, I had to intubate a patient who caught COVID from her son after he took his family on a trip to Disney and then came to visit her for Christmas,” she says. “So I think it’s safe to say we are never going to Disneyland.”

_ “Jesus,”  _ Maggie whispers.

“I think the plans I already have beat Disney by a mile, anyway.”

Lucy raises an eyebrow.  _ “Oh yeah? And what are these mysterious plans of yours, Danvers?” _

Alex leans back against her small pile of pillows. “I’m FaceTiming with my wives and maybe watching the ball drop on TV with them.” She bites her lip. “Of course, if you two just wanna get to some sleep, I totally get that and-”

_ “Alex,”  _ Maggie interrupts,  _ “turn your TV on so we can watch the ball drop.” _

Alex smiles. She puts the phone down to go fumble for the remote. In the background, she can hear Lucy mumbling about wanting popcorn and Maggie’s soft,  _ “Yes, dear, I’ll go put some in the microwave.” _ The movements come across tinny and artificial over the phone, but they’re still soothing. If Alex closes her eyes, she can pretend she’s there in the apartment with them.

_ “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Times Square so empty,”  _ she hears Lucy say.

Alex hums her agreement. It seems wrong Times Square to be so empty. But it’s also a fitting metaphor, Alex thinks. The mostly empty streets serve as a stark visual reminder of just another tradition that’s had to undergo a shift in the wake of 2020. 

Alex doesn’t bother turning the sound on. She doesn’t care much for the commentary and besides, listening to Maggie and Lucy is so much better. 

“You ever been there on New Years, Luce?” Alex asks absently.

_ “Once. It wasn’t really my speed and I ended up breaking a guy’s hand before midnight because he tried to pickpocket me.” _

Alex blinks. It’s such a Lucy Lane move that Alex doesn’t really know what else to say to that. Thankfully, Maggie doesn’t seem to have a problem coming up with words.

She hears Maggie snort,  _ “Only you, Lane.” _

_ “Alex nearly strangled a guy with a barstool,”  _ Lucy protests.  _ “Me breaking a pickpocket’s hand on New Years does not compare to that!” _

“Excuse, I am not that bad!”

_ “I gave Pam a stamp to use just for your paperwork last Christmas and she responded by buying me a thousand dollar bottle of whiskey,”  _ is Lucy’s dry response.  _ “Make of that what you will, Alex.” _

Alex winces. 

_ “Oh, the ball’s coming down!”  _ Maggie says suddenly.

There’s a slight creak on their end that tells Alex one of them - Maggie or Lucy, Alex can’t be sure - has shifted on the couch to get a better view of the TV. 

Alex can hear the countdown through her phone’s speakers. She closes her eye. 

_ “Ten!” _

God, what she would give to be on the couch next to Lucy and Maggie right now.

_ “Nine!” _

Alex can’t stop her thoughts from wandering towards the families of all the patients she’s lost this year. 

_ “Eight!” _

She can’t help but think of Hector Martinez and how his wife will have to go into the new year without him. 

_ “Seven!” _

She thinks about Lucy in the COVID ward, thinks about how close she came to losing her, thinks about how close she came to compromising herself and her values as a doctor because she couldn’t - and can’t - bear to see one of the women she loves in that much pain.

_ “Six!” _

She tries not to think about how empty her apartment feels or how Maggie’s and Lucy’s voices fill it up even over the phone.

_ “Five!” _

(She thinks about it anyway. How can she not?)

_ “Four!” _

She thinks of Maggie and Lucy on the couch together, pictures herself with them, pictures Lucy cuddling close to Maggie because Maggie has always run warm. 

_ “Three!” _

She thinks about how this is the second new year she’s celebrated (Rosh Hashanah being the first) and how it’s just as bittersweet as its Jewish counterpart. Bitter, because once again she’s separated from the people she loves. Sweet, because hope is just around the corner. 

_ “Two!” _

Hope, Alex muses, is certainly sweet. But it’s also dangerous. It’s dangerous because she doesn’t know what tomorrow holds. It’s dangerous because the pandemic is still raging. It’s dangerous because she’s seen firsthand just how desperate it can make people.

_ “One!” _

Still, Alex lets her mind wander towards hope for the briefest of moments as she thinks about the ache in her arm. She thinks about it and what it means: the vaccine is here. She has the first dose in her system. It’s not a cure-all, but after months of seemingly endless death and no hope, certainly is a step in the right direction.

_ “Zero!” _

Alex lets her head loll against the back of the couch.

_ “Happy New Year, Ally,”  _ she hears Maggie and Lucy say together.

“Happy New Year, Mags,” she murmurs, then picks up her phone so that she can properly see her wives. “Happy New Year, Luce.”

They’re both smiling, though Lucy looks ready to pass out. 

“L’shana haba’ah b’beit,” she tells them. 

Next year at home. 

It’s a hope and a promise.

Maggie blows Alex a kiss while Lucy grumbles out a tired,  _ “Love you!” _

Alex smiles fondly. “I love you both too,” she tells them. “Go get some sleep.”

She waves, but Maggie’s the only one that sees it; Lucy has her head tucked into Maggie’s neck. Alex can make out the faintest of snores before she hangs up. 

She sighs. 2020 is over, but the pandemic isn’t. At least, it won’t be for the foreseeable future. 

Alex massages her arm to try and loosen the ache. 

2020 is over. 

2021 is here. 

It’s not a cure-all, not even close. But it’s a start and Alex-

Alex will take it. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to leave a comment and/or kudos below and feel free to come say high @sandstonesunspear on tumblr. Also, please remember that as we go into the new year, Black lives - cis and trans - matter and that this pandemic isn't over.
> 
> Stay safe, wash your hands, wear your mask over your nose, and social distance. Have a Happy New Year


End file.
